my team is flipping out over a thank-you lunch, my new job told me they hired someone else instead, and more Ask a Manager

my team is flipping out over a thank-you lunch, my new job told me they hired someone else instead, and more

Posted: 21 Jan 2018 09:03 PM PST

It's five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My team is flipping out and thinks a colleague didn’t deserve to attend a thank-you lunch

My workplace holds an annual conference/event for all of the employees (250+ people). There is a committee in charge of planning and all the logistics. A few people who were on the committee had retired or left for jobs at other places, and the committee was a bit short-staffed. One of the employees in my division, "Meghan,” was asked to join and she accepted (being on the committee is completely voluntary).

Meghan was only on the committee for one month before the event. Everyone else had been on the committee for a full 12 months before the event. The event was a success. Everyone enjoyed it and the directors and members of the C-suite were especially impressed. The CEO held a lunch for the committee to thank them and celebrate the success at a very exclusive restaurant (all paid for by the company).

Meghan went to each of the committee members individually and said that if they weren’t comfortable with her attending the lunch because she was only on the committee for one month prior, she would understand. She was clear she didn’t want to seem like she was stealing the glory from all the work they did before her. Every member individually confirmed it was fine for her to attend. They also confirmed it again at the debriefing meeting they had after the event.

However, after the meeting the committee members (for reasons unknown) are shunning and talking badly of Meghan. They think she should have declined the lunch anyway. The manager of our division is included in this. He has called Meghan delusional for not realizing she “overstepped” after he himself told her to attend. She deferred praise at the lunch because she was only on the committee for a month. There are emails where people told her to come. The committee members saying all kinds of nasty things about her. The majority of the members work in my division. I’m not a manager or supervisor, I’m a lead so I have no authority to tell people to stop. They all think she should have known they were being polite when they told her to go.

It has gotten really bad here. The snipping and vitriol is out of control. I don’t know what to do or where to go since my manager is in on it and he leads our division. Meghan is confused and upset by all this negativity directed at her.

You work with really petty people, and your manager in particular sucks. Even if Meghan hadn't asked people if she could attend, it would be ridiculous for them to be sniping at her like this — she was on the committee, and it's reasonable that she attended. And it's not like she's taking anything away from them by being there — it's a lunch, not a pile of money that she's grabbing an unfair share of. And then throw in that she asked them if it would be appropriate to attend (thus displaying some sensitivity to her shorter tenure) and they all told her yes, and they're still sniping at her? Over a lunch? They’re being remarkably small-minded and unpleasant.

But it doesn't sound like you're in a position to do a lot here since your manager is part of the problem. You can tell your manager and others that you think the reaction to Meghan is unwarranted and point out that she specifically checked with people before attending (and point out that it's just a lunch — she didn't steal part of their Grammy or something), and you can push back when you hear people say unkind things, and you can make a point of being kind and supportive to Meghan … and you can take note that you work with people with terrible judgment, and factor that into future decisions. But I think your question is about how to stop this, and it doesn't sound like you have the power to do that.

2. When I showed up for my first day of work, they told me they'd hired someone else instead

I'm hoping you can help me understand a situation I was in recently. I am a graduate who has been searching for a job for a while. A couple of weeks ago, I landed a great interview with a seemingly good company in my field. The interview went well, and I was asked to come back for a second. That went well also, and the hiring manager (I'll call her Jane) said they had decided to hire me on a probationary period to see how I do, which I agreed to. Jane also told me that they were hiring for this position because the employee who normally filled it was out on maternity leave, and they did not know when/if she was coming back. So, Jane warned me that I may be out of a job if the former employee decides to return, but I just accepted that as well.

Anyway, the following Monday was to be my first day on the job and I arrived early. When I got there, though, Jane informed me that, unbeknownst to her, someone else in the office (a higher level executive) had already interviewed and hired someone for the position that I supposedly got. And that person was already there. Jane apologized again and said they wouldn't be needing me after all, so the only thing I could do was leave.

Well, of course there is nothing for me to do now except continue my job search. But I am still very new to all of this, and I don't have a lot of experience in working a "real" job (only retail). Is this kind of thing common practice for most companies? I understand that no job is secure and they can hire whoever they want, but should I always expect something like this? I am still reeling from embarrassment because my mom told everyone about the "fantastic job" I just landed, and I had to tell everybody that I didn't get it after all.

No, that's not at all normal. That's very, very abnormal — and horribly cavalier of Jane. She could have put you in a situation where you had quit a different job in order to take this one, and it's lucky that didn't happen. But this is not the kind of thing you generally need to worry about happening.

3. I'm on a PIP — can I get off it and ask about a promotion?

After being in a nonprofit support role for around two years, I was put on a PIP in November. I attribute a lot of it to being at a satellite office and having a manager who prefers to work from home, which made communication on projects and expectations not the best they could be. I’ve also been pretty vocal about wanting a promotion since about a year in.

I’ve done all of the hard deadlines on the PIP agreement we created, as well as actively trying to integrate the soft deadlines and suggestions (i.e., timely feedback). I know a PIP is usually step one in degradation of trust and doesn’t create a good working environment. However, is there a way to formally remove the PIP and continue to push conversations about promotional opportunities? What is the average timeline that PIPs stay active? In the PIP agreement where we mapped out the action items for improvement, the HR person added language saying that lack of improvement within three months could result in further punishment and/or termination.

A good PIP (performance improvement plan) will have a clear timeline by which improvements must be made and when the manager and employee will reassess the person’s performance and decide whether and how to move forward. It sounds like the timeline in yours might be three months — but PIPs can be all sorts of lengths. Some are as short as two weeks. Some can be as long as six months. If you're not clear on yours, you can ask something like, "Is there a specific timeline for when you'd like to reassess how things are going in my work?”

But a PIP is a statement that your employer has serious concerns about your performance; it's generally the last step before firing you. That means that this isn't the time to push for promotions — they're thinking about whether or not to fire you, so promotion isn't anywhere on their radar right now, and you will look very out of touch with that reality if you bring it up (so much so that it could be a strike against them keeping you on at all).

4. Everyone is going to overhear me resigning

I have a question about how to quit. I’m leaving my first post-college job in about a month, and I’m really glad I started reading your blog recently because I was otherwise planning on giving a very long notice period (I’m leaving when my lease ends) and your words convinced me not to!

At any rate, I know giving notice should be face-to-face, but my boss is in a different location than I am. I know the next best situation would be over the phone, but I’m in the middle of a very small office and both of my coworkers (who are far senior to me, but not technically my manager) would probably hear the conversation. Is that something I should be sensitive to? If it matters at all, we also share an office space with a different organization, and they would definitely hear me quitting (and subsequently ask me about it, since we’re sociable), but my coworkers at my organization might not hear me, at least until they hear my conversation with folks from the other organization! I’m sure this has a really simple answer, but I haven’t seen any examples of other people quitting, so I’m not quite sure the best way to approach it.

Yeah, ideally this is a call you'd make in private. It's not that it's outrageously sensitive, but it would be a little odd to nonchalantly deliver that news within earshot of a bunch of coworkers. Ideally you'd make the call from a cell phone and do it somewhere else — the stairwell, outside your building, a coffeeshop, or so forth. If you think it's likely you'll need to wait for your boss to call you back (and thus you can't just hang out in the stairwell waiting for that to happen), it's also okay to say when she first calls, "I want to step out in the stairwell for this call, so give me just a moment to duck out.”

5. Should I invite coworkers to my wedding?

I recently moved to a new team/job at work (six months ago) and I absolutely love them. They have gone above and beyond to help me learn my new job and truly could not have been nicer. I feel really close to them and would love to have them there on my special day. My fiancé thinks it would be weird to have coworkers there since I've never hung out with them outside of work (they're all older than me, with families). Would it be weird to invite them? This is a local wedding so no one would be required to travel or even get a hotel.

It's really up to you and your fiance! There's no reason you can't invite them if you want them there, and some people do indeed invite coworkers to their wedding. The one caveat I'd give is to make sure that people don't feel like they're obligated to attend, but that's true of any wedding invitation.

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